Self Love Isn’t Always Pretty — But Here’s Why It’s Worth It
I used to think self-love was all about bath bombs and yoga classes. You know — lighting candles, doing face masks, sipping herbal tea while reading something inspirational. And while that’s part of it, I’ve learned the hard way that true self-love isn’t always so… Instagrammable.
Sometimes, practicing self love looks like dragging yourself out of bed when everything in you wants to stay under the covers. Sometimes it’s admitting you’ve made the same mistake again — and still choosing to be kind to yourself anyway.
Self-love isn’t always pretty. But it is powerful. And it’s one of the most life-changing things I’ve ever committed to — even when it felt like I had no idea what I was doing.
Unlearning What I Thought Self-Love Meant
For a long time, I thought loving myself meant being perfect. If I could just glow up, get in shape, stick to my morning routine, stop dating emotionally unavailable men, and answer every text on time — then I could love myself.
But I was missing the point entirely. Because you don’t earn self-love by becoming a better version of yourself. You build it by showing up for who you are right now.
That realization hit me one night after I canceled plans for the third time in a week. I sat in my kitchen, eating pasta straight from the pot, feeling like a failure. And something in me whispered, “You don’t need to fix yourself to deserve love — not even your own.”
That night, I gave myself grace. No affirmations. No rituals. Just permission to be messy and tired and still worthy.
What the self love aesthetic Doesn’t Show You
The curated self love aesthetic on social media is beautiful — but it’s only part of the story. Real self-love isn’t always photogenic. It’s in the quiet moments you choose not to speak badly about yourself. It’s deleting a number and then crying about it. It’s being alone and not reaching for a distraction.
I love the aesthetic — the cozy blankets, the books, the calm spaces — but let’s not pretend that’s all there is. Self-love is also shadow work. It’s boundaries. It’s crying in the car and still going to therapy the next day.
According to Psychology Today, self-love involves accepting your flaws and limitations as much as your strengths. It’s not about ignoring your mistakes — it’s about refusing to define yourself by them.
Practicing Self Love When It’s the Last Thing You Feel Like Doing
I’ll be honest: some days I just don’t want to. I don’t want to journal, meditate, cook a nourishing meal, or do anything remotely wholesome. But those are the days it matters most. Because that’s when I’m most at risk of abandoning myself.
Over time, I’ve learned that practicing self love doesn’t have to look like a Pinterest routine. Sometimes it’s just telling myself, “You’re okay. You’re safe.” Other times, it’s saying no to people-pleasing. Or putting my phone on airplane mode and going for a walk because my brain feels like static.
And on really bad days? It’s letting myself rest. Without guilt. Without trying to earn it.
The Role of Self Love Captions and Words That Stick
Words are powerful. And on hard days, I return to the ones that ground me. I keep a little list of self love captions and reminders in my phone — not to post, but to survive.
Some of my favorites:
- “You’re allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress.”
- “Your worth isn’t dependent on your productivity.”
- “Loving yourself through the mess is the real glow-up.”
When I read self love quotes that actually feel true, it’s like someone reached into my chest and whispered, “You’re not alone.” That’s why I’ve made it a habit to write some of my own — little mantras I can come back to when my confidence wavers.
Letting Go of Shame and Choosing Grace
One of the biggest lies I used to believe was that if I was struggling, it meant I was failing. But this Healthline article changed my perspective — especially the part about self-love being a “deliberate practice.” It’s not a destination you arrive at. It’s a choice you keep making, over and over again.
Self-love isn’t about never feeling bad about yourself. It’s about recognizing those moments for what they are: temporary, human, and not the whole story.
I’ve started replacing my self-criticism with questions like:
- What do I need right now?
- Would I talk to a friend the way I’m talking to myself?
- How can I soften instead of shut down?
And when I respond with care, even when I don’t “deserve” it — that’s when I feel self-love the most.
The Silent But Powerful Transformation
No one sees the small shifts at first. No one claps for you when you finally stop texting your ex. Or when you go for a walk instead of spiraling. Or when you say, “That actually hurt me,” instead of brushing it off.
But you feel it. In the way your anxiety quiets. In the way your body relaxes when you set a boundary. In the way you begin to trust yourself again.
And that quiet confidence? It radiates. That’s the real self love aesthetic — not curated, but cultivated.
Why It’s Worth It (Even When It’s Hard)
The truth is, self-love will cost you things. The illusion of control. Old identities. Relationships that only thrived when you put yourself last. But what you gain? Unshakable peace. A sense of home inside yourself. And the courage to keep becoming.
So, if you’re in the messy middle — the part where you’re healing, but still triggered… growing, but still grieving… let me tell you this: you are doing the work. And it matters.
Self-love might not always be pretty. But it’s always worth it.
Have You Ever Felt the Same?
What does self-love look like for you right now? Is it messy? Quiet? Fierce?
I’d love to hear your story — whether you’re deep in the work or just starting to wonder if you’re allowed to love yourself exactly as you are. (Spoiler: you are.)
You’re not alone in this, and your story might just be the reminder someone else needs today.