How to Transform your Life When You don’t Know Where to Start

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Do you want to change your life?

Loaded question isn’t it?

Of course, you do.

I mean come on, who wouldn’t want to?

Here’s the thing though, if you wanted to change your life you probably would have done it by now.

It’s tough because you know you want something different but just thinking about it stops you cold in your tracks and makes you want to curl into a ball.

The overwhelm of change is scary.

There are so many ways to change your life. In fact, there are probably millions of ways.

But doing them all isn’t going work.

It’s not going to help you.

You already knew that.

You’re here to learn how to change your life and that’s what I’m going to give you.

Lucky for you it’s pretty simple and really only requires three steps.

Step 1 – Deciding what you want and who you need to be to get it

Step 2 – Creating a Plan of Action

Step 3 – Taking Action!


Let’s change your life.



Step 1 – Decide What you Want

Maybe this sounds overly simplistic but that’s the whole point.

Changing your life doesn’t have to be complicated or hard or even scary.

It gets to be easy.

So, what do you want?

And by this I mean, what do you want to see in your life?

What are the outcomes you want?

Chances are you came up with a giant list of everything you currently don’t like or don’t want in your life.

No, I’m not a mind reader but I’ve been there because uh, we’re human and all.

We are programmed to focus on the things we don’t want making it difficult to actually focus on the things we do want.

Here’s a little secret for you, if you want more of the good stuff, you’ve got to focus on the good stuff.


Ask Yourself Questions

If you want to get answers, start asking yourself questions.

Again, not something we normally do but you’d be surprised at what comes up when you start doing this.

Start with the simplest question such as, what do you want?

If you’re finding yourself say something along the lines of, I have no idea or I don’t know.

Dig deeper.

If you did know, what would you want?

Another thing to keep in mind when doing this exercise is to focus on yourself and what you want out of life.

Not what your parents want, your spouse, your friends or your dog.

To get out of that mindset, pretend you’re on a deserted island and you’re the only person on the island. You get to create a brand new life and the only person you have to run it by is yourself.

Oh, and everything is possible. 100% of the time.



Break It Down

I don’t mean bust a move, I mean break down your life into the four biggest areas.

  • Mental & Physical Health
  • Relationships
  • Finances¬†
  • Personal Hobbies

Again, overly simplified but these four areas of life are crucial to living the life you want and when everything is in sync, it feels pretty dang good.

Each area plays a big role in your life and each area needs different attention based on how you feel about them.

Let’s break these areas down just a bit.

Mental & Physical Health –

Pretty self-explanatory but how you are feeling on a physical and emotional level. This means if you feel healthy, feel like you are at your best physically, etc. And how you feel emotionally. If you’re happy, if you handle conflicts well, what your dominant thoughts are, being in tune with your mental health, etc.

Relationships –

This can be both romantic relationships and friendships. Maybe you have a couple of friends at work but you want closer friends that share your interests. Or you are in a romantic relationship but it’s not what you want. This is about how you feel with the people in your life and if you feel like they are adding to it or draining you.

Finances –

Let’s talk about that money!

Money is not a bad thing, it’s not a scary thing, it’s not greedy to want it, it’s not greedy to have an abundance of it. Frankly speaking, money in it of itself is nothing but paper and some metals (depending on where you’re from). It only holds value because someone chose to give it a value.


This section is about your money, how much you have, how much you want to have, whether you want to invest it, how much you want to put away and so on. This section is also about your relationship with money and how you feel about it because remember, if you want all the good things, you have to focus on all the good things. But you can read more about money mindset here.

Money is something we all need so focusing on it in a good way, is actually very beneficial.

Personal Hobbies –¬†

Happiness doesn’t come from someone else.

No one can give it to you on a silver platter.

You can’t get it from material things.

It’s something you create on your own.

But come one, life is way more fun when you do things that make you happy right?

And this means as a human being, you need your own hobbies that bring you happiness.

Don’t worry, I’m getting off my soapbox now.

If you find your biggest hobby is scrolling through Netflix or bing watching Tik Tock and you’re not finding fulfillment in that, it’s time to find some new hobbies.

Such as:

  • Crocheting
  • Knitting
  • Running
  • Painting
  • Volunteering
  • Making jewlery

You get the gist. Find a personal hobby that brings you joy and happiness and doesn’t depend on someone else.

Breaking it down this way can help in making life seem less overwhelming and well, more structured. If you want to take an even deeper dive into creating a roadmap for your life, check this out.


Reverse Engineer

If you absolutely cannot think of what you want and can only focus on what you don’t want, use it to your advantage and write down everything you don’t want.

Now flip it.

What’s the opposite of what you don’t want?

Physically cross out what you don’t want and next to it write what it is you would like to see in your life. This helps get your subconscious involved by using images that it can understand and by crossing out what you don’t want, you are telling yourself you’re done with that and it’s time to call in everything you do want.

The key here is that once you’ve written down your list of wants and don’t wants, forget about the don’t wants and focus on your desired outcomes.

Don’t dwell on the past.



Step 2 – Create a Plan of Action

Once you actually know what you want, you have to create a plan.

Creating a plan is just one step closer to changing your life because it’s actually starting to make it seem real.

It’s so easy to tell your friends at coffee how you’re going to run 5 miles 3 times a week and drink fresh-pressed green juices every day.

It’s harder to sit down and fit those 5 miles into your schedule.

Often it can feel like you simply don’t have the time to get everything you want to get done.

And while that may be true for some things, here’s a little trick you can use to cut out certain things from your day to give you more time without it feeling restrictive.

Ask yourself, “If I am someone who values their time, where would I be spending it?”

Immediately you’re going to force yourself to look at what things you value in your life that take up time.

Such as spending time with the kids, working, keeping up romantic or platonic relationships, reading, hobbies, and so on and so forth.

Once you take a look at what you value in your life in regard to time, you can then see what habits, hobbies, and behaviors are eating up that precious time.

This allows you to remove them from your schedule and creates a space for your new goals.

Next up is to think about the tasks that will move the needle forward.

Because again, those are the tasks that will give you the most bang for your buck…or time in this case.

If your goal was to sell 100 copies of your eBook this month and you really valued your time, would you waste it on tweaking the colors on the sales page?

No. The answer is no. That’s a waste of your limited time.

You might be thinking something along the lines of, well if I knew how to sell 100 copies of my eBook I would have done it already so how do I even come up with tasks if I don’t know what to do?

Or something along those lines.

I challenge you to put yourself 10 minutes after you’ve accomplished your goal and ask yourself one simple question.

What was the first step I took in order to get here?

This gets a little bit sciency here but when you ask yourself a question like this, your subconscious mind has no choice but to search for an answer.

If you’re still really stuck, think about one step that you could take today that would move you forward.

Then each day, create three tasks that are quick, to the point and will move the needle forward in your goals.

These tasks shouldn’t take you very long either.

The point is to make them as quick and simple as possible.




Step 3- Take Action

The final step of changing your life is to figure out who you need to be in order to get whatever it is you want.

Yeah, you read that right.

Who do you need to be in order to get that outcome?

This is a step that is commonly missed but is actually imperative to lasting change and habits.

By “being” I mean what characteristics do you need to embody in order to follow through with the tasks that you created in step two?

I alluded to this in the previous step with embodying someone who values their time.

Well, what other characteristics will help you reach your goal of becoming a marathon runner or whatever it is you want to achieve?

Here’s a hint:

  • Committed
  • Disciplined
  • Practicing Integrity
  • Value time

The list could on and on but that’s boring.

Regardless of the outcome you want to achieve, you must be committed to it, be disciplined, do what you say you’re going to do when you say you’re going to do it and value your time and energy.


Because who you believe you are is how you will show up.

So if you believe you are committed to your achieving your goal, you’ll show up, rain or shine.

If you value your time, you’ll find the time to do what you need to do.

You’ll show up for your goal regardless of how quickly or not so quickly it’s being achieved.

Embodying these characteristics are what’s going to help push you forward into actually changing your life and making those big sustainable changes.

Think about like this, you can do, do, do all day long but if at the end of the day you’re not a committed or disciplined person or you don’t identify as one, do you really think you’re going to stick with the actions, habits, and behaviors you need to to change your life?

Decide who you need to be in order to reach your goals, then show up as that person.

Value what they value, commit to what they commit to, identify with who they identify as.

This step might sound odd, out there and all that but trust me on this because it is what will help you change your life today, tomorrow and every day after that.


Something to Make this Easier

On paper, changing your life is easy.

You’ve gotten clear on what you want, you know the steps to get there and you’ve stepped into the person you need to be to get it.

But you’re still feeling resistance, it still feels hard.

You still have days where the motivation is gone, life gets in the way and you’re just not feeling it.

Days where it feels easier to just go back what you were doing than to push forward.

That’s where I can help.

As an NLP Practitioner and an EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) Practitioner, I can teach how to use EFT to tap away resistance, negative thoughts,  pain, worry, and even release self-sabotaging behaviors in just a few minutes.

So that you can get back to changing your life for the better.

You can learn more about my EFT sessions and what they can do for you here.

All it takes is 5-10 minutes of tapping and you’ll be feeling better than you ever have before.



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